I like to say I'm an optimist, but I’m not sure if that’s
true. When life is going really well, I
have this nagging feeling that something is bound to go wrong soon. Life can’t stay this good – the law of
averages just doesn’t allow it. I think
I also feel this way because I’ve had it rough in the past and I’m afraid that
all the wonderful things in my life now are bound to slip through my fingers;
it’s almost as though I feel as though I can’t get a hold on all this
happiness. For a while, before I meant
my husband, I was used to things not working out in my favor. I never had enough money and was always
working two or three jobs to make ends meet.
I was unlucky in love, and disappointed by people I cared about, let
down by friends. My family was far away
and I felt isolated from them. I think I
was used to life being that way so that I was just beginning to expect it to
stay that way. I felt like God was too
far away for me to reach.
Then one winter night in early 2006, I walked into a
Hollywood Video in Fresno , CA ,
and was assisted by a tall guy behind the counter with polite mannerisms and a
nice smile. I walked out of there that
night and I’m sure I thought I would never see him again. When we reconnected a month or two later, by
chance, I still had no idea that meeting him would change my life as completely
as it did. It wasn’t that I suddenly had
enough money or was surrounded by friends I could count on. My family wasn’t closer. But I know that my heavenly father sent me
this man who would eventually be my husband.
I had no idea at the time, but I know our “chance” meeting was
orchestrated by my God who knows so much better than I what I need and provides
it for me. Love, when it is right,
brings out the best in you. It changes
your perspective. It makes the future
brighter.
John Lennon once said “Life is what happens when you are
busy making other plans.” When I was in
high school, I had that along with other clever quotes taped up in my locker,
but I don’t think I really understood it when I was 16. Now, as I am older and have lived a lot more
of life, I know the reality.
I moved to California
to gain state residency so that I could get financial aid for the college I
wanted to go to. I ended up I Fresno
because my grandparents live here and they let me live with them for a few
months while I got my feet under me.
When I still didn’t get the aid I needed to go to the school I wanted, I
was devastated. I stayed in Fresno
“temporarily” and two years later I met my husband. Now this is my home. I have a job I enjoy, friends, a house, a
dog, and a whole new family. I am blessed,
and yet I am always amazed how it all worked out. I never would have chosen this path, and yet
I am thankful in hindsight that my plans did not work out. I know that God’s plan for me is so much
better than what I would have chosen for myself.
So, now as I sit here on this beautiful May morning, with
the California sun shining down
on me, I fight the feeling that life is too good to be true. I know that life is not easy and we will have
trials and problems in the future. But
at this moment I am just thankful for all the wonderful things in my life, and
most of all, the peace I have now that I never had before. God’s timing is perfect, especially when it
is not our timing!