Thursday, May 10, 2012

It's all in the Timing...

I like to say I'm an optimist, but I’m not sure if that’s true.  When life is going really well, I have this nagging feeling that something is bound to go wrong soon.  Life can’t stay this good – the law of averages just doesn’t allow it.  I think I also feel this way because I’ve had it rough in the past and I’m afraid that all the wonderful things in my life now are bound to slip through my fingers; it’s almost as though I feel as though I can’t get a hold on all this happiness.  For a while, before I meant my husband, I was used to things not working out in my favor.  I never had enough money and was always working two or three jobs to make ends meet.  I was unlucky in love, and disappointed by people I cared about, let down by friends.  My family was far away and I felt isolated from them.  I think I was used to life being that way so that I was just beginning to expect it to stay that way.  I felt like God was too far away for me to reach.

Then one winter night in early 2006, I walked into a Hollywood Video in Fresno, CA, and was assisted by a tall guy behind the counter with polite mannerisms and a nice smile.  I walked out of there that night and I’m sure I thought I would never see him again.  When we reconnected a month or two later, by chance, I still had no idea that meeting him would change my life as completely as it did.  It wasn’t that I suddenly had enough money or was surrounded by friends I could count on.  My family wasn’t closer.  But I know that my heavenly father sent me this man who would eventually be my husband.  I had no idea at the time, but I know our “chance” meeting was orchestrated by my God who knows so much better than I what I need and provides it for me.  Love, when it is right, brings out the best in you.  It changes your perspective.  It makes the future brighter. 

John Lennon once said “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.”   When I was in high school, I had that along with other clever quotes taped up in my locker, but I don’t think I really understood it when I was 16.  Now, as I am older and have lived a lot more of life, I know the reality. 

I moved to California to gain state residency so that I could get financial aid for the college I wanted to go to.  I ended up I Fresno because my grandparents live here and they let me live with them for a few months while I got my feet under me.  When I still didn’t get the aid I needed to go to the school I wanted, I was devastated.  I stayed in Fresno “temporarily” and two years later I met my husband.  Now this is my home.  I have a job I enjoy, friends, a house, a dog, and a whole new family.  I am blessed, and yet I am always amazed how it all worked out.  I never would have chosen this path, and yet I am thankful in hindsight that my plans did not work out.  I know that God’s plan for me is so much better than what I would have chosen for myself.

So, now as I sit here on this beautiful May morning, with the California sun shining down on me, I fight the feeling that life is too good to be true.  I know that life is not easy and we will have trials and problems in the future.  But at this moment I am just thankful for all the wonderful things in my life, and most of all, the peace I have now that I never had before.  God’s timing is perfect, especially when it is not our timing!